So it was just another Saturday night at Loganaka’s house. I was reading manga and sipping on Ramune as Loganaka was watching SNL. He still finds it funny and after last Saturday I still do not understand why. When SNL delivered this horrible parody, I nearly threw up my Pocky. The worst part was that Loganaka was actually laughing along with that horrid audience of bakas. I could take no more and chucked my Ramune at the television to end this madness. I ended up breaking the TV and Loganaka demands that I pay for a new one. I, however, refuse to make amends until he apologizes for finding humor in such an unfunny jab at otaku culture. Of course, being the stubborn gaijin he is, Loganaka refused and is giving me one week to replace the TV before he calls the cops to escort me out of his house. Game on, loser!
What Loganaka fails to realize is that this ‘skit’ is the worst thing to happen to otaku culture in years. Do you know how many people watch SNL? Millions! That’s millions of people who still haven’t experienced the joys of such masterpieces as High School of the Dead or Midori no Hibi. Now they’ll simply right us all off as creepy nerds who want to be Japanese and date Japanese people. That is not true! We are not creepy, we don’t want to BE Japanese and we don’t have Japanese girlfriends!
This is a warning to NBC: Stay the fuck away from otaku culture! You don’t know anything about us and you have no idea what you were talking about with this skit. It was a blatant display of racism to not just the Japanese, but the entire otaku community. You have pushed back our cultural acceptance by decades all because you wanted to make a few people laugh. Therefore, I am issuing an otaku call-to-arms. We must boycott NBC! Spread the word! Do not watch The Office! Do not watch Chuck! I’ll be doing my part by picketing the local NBC affiliate, KARE 11, all this week seeing as how none of my job leads have called me back. I urge any and all who have a love for Japanese culture to stop NBC from mocking us. They think the occupy Wall Street event is huge? Just wait until you see the girth of the anime community flung into the face of NBC. You’ve awakened a beast you do not understand, network executives, and you’re about to learn our true power level.
P.S. If you’re reading this Loganaka, don’t even think about trying to lock me out of the house again when I leave. I know another way in through the back. Guess how? Hint: It’s not the screen door.