Greetings, my dear anime friends
I’m sure by now you are aware of the dire situation in Japan. I wish there was something I could do, but there is only so much I can do as a poor college student. I spend all my money on anime and manga to support Japan. What I can do, however, is do what I do best to help the great nation of Japan: by shedding a harsh light on the trolls. And the main culprit of trolling Japan in their emergency state is the horrific comedian, Gilbert Gottfried.
Gilbert Gottfried is guilty of posting this unbelievable statement on his Twitter:
“I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, ‘They’ll be another one floating by any minute now.’ “
You think that’s funny, GILBERT? Thousands of people are dead and you crack jokes about it? Let me tell you something, Mr. Comedian. We don’t need people like you trying to find humor in such a situation. If I want to laugh, I’ll watch Excel Saga. I will not listen to the hurtful ramblings of a squinty-eyed, raspy-voiced Jew (no offense to the Jewish people). How would you like it if you’re whole family was killed in a tsunami? Let’s see you make a joke out of that, Mr. Funny Man! I’d like to see you retort to that. In response to his horrific comment, Gilbert wrote the following statement on his Twitter:
“I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan”
Really? NOW you’re apologizing. Funny how you’re sorry AFTER you crack a racist and mean-spirited joke. Were you even thinking when you wrote that hurtful statement? Did you think about all the people and anime studios that were destroyed in that horrible incident? How dare you, sir. You are a baka-gaijin of the highest level. I would not be surprised if someone stabs you to death with a samurai sword and chokes you to death with Pocky or those little marbles in Ramune. You have made a powerful enemy, Mr. Gottfried. Not only have you angered the master race of Japan, but now you also have to deal with us anime fans. And we are a force not to be reckoned with.
Do you have any idea what we are capable of? We will spam you’re e-mail relentlessly with blasts from FUNimation. You’re name will be smeared across all anime forums. You will be black-listed from appearing at any and all anime conventions (including ACen and Expo). But it doesn’t end there. Your identity will be subjected to an unlimited amount of DeviantArt drawings depicting you being slaughtered by every character from Kenshin to Kenshiro. We will track down every social-media site you have and cyber-bully you to fullest extent of the law. And that is just a taste of what we have in store for you.
As a matter of fact, I’m thinking about suing you for the mental damage your tweet put me through. Since your statement, I haven’t been able to sleep or complete my homework. My grades shouldn’t have to suffer because you suck as a comedian. My dad is a lawyer so don’t think I don’t know how the law works. You will suffer for your dishonor, Gilbert. Rest assure of that. The glorious Nippon will rise again and when they do, you will be the first to be sent to the spirit world.
-Keep On Rockin’ That Dragon