Pirates of One Piece Beware the Wrath of FUNimation

Why would you want to download when you could have something as sweet as this sitting on your shelf?

Konnichiwa fellow readers,

It appears as though many of you baka-gaijins are still downloading and uploading anime. Well, now you thieves who are ruining anime for everyone have to pay the piper. FUNimation is prosecuting 1,337 pirates who took part in the illegal distribution of One Piece. They were identified as John Does, which I believe is the name of their bitTorrent group. Their real names, as well as the names of several other parties, will be revealed later on. They will be seeking compensation for damages and legal costs. So if you were downloading One Piece between the dates of January 9th-12th, you better hope you’re rich. Of course, you are not rich because you are pirating anime, you cheapskates.

Look, I know anime is expensive. I’ve had to make huge sacrifices just to keep up with the cost of anime DVDs and internet simulcast subscriptions. I busted my hump at McDonalds AND Fudruckers just so I could afford to keep watching what I love. I just hope that when I graduate I’ll get a high-paying job because it’s hard enough buying anime even when my parents are paying for college. I worked overnight shifts and full-time hours on a part-time salary just so I could buy the Dragonball Z Dragon Box 1. I went DAYS without food so I could save up for the Soul Eater sets. I even diverted money from my student loans just so I could buy the complete Gantz.

Even in the 1990's, people knew illegal distribution was wrong.

But you know what? I don’t regret it. Sure, I’ve probably incured a mountain of debt and should’ve spent my money more wisely, but it doesn’t matter to me. I support anime, dammit! I’ve been supporting it legally for the last 13 years and I’ll keep supporting it for another 13 years, even if I go on welfare and food stamps. I may be poor, but I can sleep easy at night knowing I’m not a criminal who downloaded One Piece. Besides, criminals end up in jail and I’d rather end up in the poor house than the big house. At least there I won’t get raped in the shower.

I have been tempted several times in the past in my weaker moments. When there is only $4.25 in your bank account, torrents look pretty sweet. But I mustered up the willpower to survive. Plus, my college doesn’t allow torrents on their network. I have been bamboozled into downloading before, however. My first love, Rebecca, was the first to trick me into Rapidshare. She told me it was a special service anime distributors were offering to certain otaku to preview upcoming anime. I foolishly thought I was legally acquiring promotional copies until I caught Rebecca burning the files to DVDs. No true otaku would copy promotional copies to illegally distribute.

Rebecca use to cosplay as Nami. She was more of a pirate than I realized at the time.

And that’s when I knew. I knew she was downloading anime illegally. I knew she hadn’t bought anime in over six months. I knew then that it would not work out between Rebecca and I. I tried to convince her to stop downloading, but she said it was ‘no big deal, everybody does it’. Well, you know what everybody else thinks is no big deal, Rebecca? Drinking alcohol. And who’s mom died while she was drunk driving? That’s right: your mom. We had a big fight, hurtful things were said, cops were called and it ended up with us splitting paths. I’d like to think that Rebecca wasn’t one of the 1,337 that downloaded that One Piece episode, but she probably was. She may have even crossed over into ripping and uploading. In my weaker moments, I miss her and wish she hadn’t moved to Wisconsin.

Just as well, though. I don’t want to associate with criminals who are killing the anime industry by stealing from it. FUNimation is sending the right message by sueing these bakas. If you steal, you will be prosecuted. It’s the law, people. It is clearly spelled out in all those anti-piracy commercials. Maybe they need to make a new batch of ads focusing specifically on anime just in case it isn’t clear enough. Besides, no download can possibly compare to Code Geass on Blu-Ray. I saw it at my friend’s house on his HDTV and it was mind-blowing. I don’t own a Blu-Ray player or an HDTV yet, but you can bet when I muster up enough cash to afford one, I’m going straight for Code Geass. Enjoy your heavily compressed 720p, gaijin.

-Keep on Rockin’ That Dragon

Do you download anime illegally?


About Dragon Rocker Z

I'm rocking the Dragon! I love anime, manga, Pocky, Ramune, and pretty much anything that comes from Japan. I'm currently in college trying to get my degree in Japanese language. I hope to go to Japan and make anime!
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4 Responses to Pirates of One Piece Beware the Wrath of FUNimation

  1. Danny says:

    “They were identified as John Does, which I believe is the name of their bitTorrent group.”

    Does anyone still think this isn’t a troll?

  2. Senjougahara says:

    “They were identified as John Does, which I believe is the name of their bitTorrent group.”
    Are you seriously THAT retarded?

  3. Gayboi says:

    You gotta be the biggest fuckin’ weaboo I’ve ever seen in my life. From your username to the way you talk and the japanese words you use… What the fuck is wrong with you? Act normal. Talk normal. You’re not in Japan and they don’t want your kind affiliated with them ya freak

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